I hate when I lie to my readers. But here I go again turning this blog into a personal journal.
Today is Friday April 29th. Which means my semester in Colorado Springs. Is. Over.
This has been some of the roughest goodbyes I have ever experienced. This semester has been a mess of emotions. Ups and Downs. Truths and lies. God kept me strong in it all. It is hard to explain but I feel like a different person than the nineteen year old who drove into Colorado Springs in January.
I remember thinking when I was coming out here that God is so good because He has called me to a program that entails such a short semester. It will be an in and out experience.
Now as I look back my heart breaks that this could not be a few months longer. Sure I am glad the class work is done but a month where we could have just stayed in community together? That is power.
Coming to the Focus Leadership Institute, I had no intention of leaving with relationships that I never want to let go of. Now I have too many of those. I assumed that I would make some friends but ultimately God would work on me individually. He would kick my butt into shape.
Man, am I stupid. I am an extremely relational person and to think God would not use deep relationships to work on me is just ignorance. To say the least God used the staff the professors and most importantly my dear friends here in Colorado to break me down.
I think I tend to shy away from talking about Spiritual Warfare. In person I have no problem but I don’t particularly enjoy writing about it. A chunk of this semester I was in constant battle with Satan. He wanted so badly to denigrate my experience at FLI.
I cannot tell you how painful the nights were when I felt unwanted and as a burden to others. All I wanted to do was be back with my friends on the East. Those nights were false.
God wanted me here, in Colorado Springs. In this program. That I do not deny.
One of my strengths I found out through this program is connectedness. For awhile I only saw that as being connected to people. That is just the brink of the matter. It means that I have this uncanny confidence that everything has a reason, a purpose, a design. Nothing is by chance. I absolutely believe this.
Everything is connected. Sounds a little New-agey, I know but by God’s design nothing is fluid. It is all concrete. It all has a purpose. Just like His timing. Which is flawless!
That means that this season in my life had a purpose. That means my body has a reason. That means my life has design! That is a new confidence that I have never known before. One of my professors shared with me Proverbs 3:26. I suggest you look it up.
I need to thank my FLI family at this point in the post. On Graduation day…yesterday. God put something on my heart.
We were about to begin worshiping with our friends and family during the ceremony. The first thing I knew was that I would not sit before God. Not this time. I knew I wanted to stand before God.
The next thing God asked me to do was to look around at my 43 peers. Some were sitting, some were standing. I knew this would be our last time to stand before God as one group. Stand together. God placed it on my heart that we needed to be together. We needed to make a stand for Truth.
No matter what struggles we had, The conflicts we experienced. It was all melted. It was all gone before the Lord. As a community we needed to show our friends and family the truth. God’s Truth and the truth about this semester.
My roommate came up behind me and stood next to me at my table. He didn’t tell me this until later but he came over by me because he felt God was telling him the same thing.
Funny how our Father works.
So I turned to my roommate and asked if he would join me at the front of the stage so we can stand together and bring ourselves before the alter.
I did not expect that all 44 students would make their way up. I did not realize that we would all link arms and stand together for 5 songs in the most complete and genuine worship I have ever experienced.
Those who know me understand how hard it is for me to stand in one place. It hurts.
I did not expect that when I unlinked my arms so I could lean forward on the stage that 43 students would all move up with me to retain our connection. I did not expect that several students would literally hold me up so that I could continue to stand along with them before our Lord.
Yes I cried. No I did not want that to ever end. God, through these students, took Satan in one day and crushed his head. God’s heel came crashing down in one thunderous stomp.
He empowers. He encourages. He envelopes us all in love.
God has put it in my heart that many of the friendships I have built here at FLI are far from over. And I mean that in a spatial sense. I do not know what, when, where or how. But this is not the end. Nope, it is just the beginning.
I still do not know exactly why God brought me to FLI. But He will continue to reveal it all in His time. I would not have changed a thing though. This is where I belonged. Our Lord has us all. Where ever we go. Whatever the next chapter may be. God has it all.
So my dear FLI family be confident. Our journies from here on out just get a lot more exciting. Be confident.
Jeremiah 29:11. Hold onto that.
I have so much love for all of you.
As always. It is:
By Grace Through Faith