If you have a calling on your life and you are not aligning yourself with that calling you are doing no one justice. I think there is a reason that trust and change have been on my heart so much lately. And by so much I mean over the last two years.
This has been one of the most fruitful three months of my life. I honestly cannot put it into words. God is faithful. And I do not want it to end or change. I am afraid. I am afraid of being afraid. And I have had zero clarity in my life about my next steps. It has filled me with anxiety, confusion and frustration. But luckily I have had a mudslide of distractions to keep my worries at bay, well until I lay down to sleep at night. And all this worry and craziness in my mind and heart has been because I do not want to take the wrong step.
That and also my thought processes have been convoluted with fear of taking risks, fear of failure, fear of success and being terrified of letting go.
I think we all know when we are getting a “no” about a certain avenue in life. I have spent the last few weeks running my head against a brick wall. I kept telling myself that God was giving me a “wait” and not a “no”. I was making a fool of myself. And when I talk about discerning my direction and God’s will I am in this moment talking about me ignoring the wisdom He has blessed me with through my own ability and through the council of others. I kept asking for clarity when I had clarity about this time in my life 3 years ago.
I am tired of waiting and coming up with excuses. I absolutely do not want to lose everything and everyone I love and care about, but more importantly I want to enter into the ministry that I have been called into for years now.
I am choosing to take some massive risks and trust that God is going to see me through the storm.
And in all of this, some times we just have to act. We just have to weigh the consequences and risks and leap.
The decision I made recently was one to trust God and to stop holding onto the blessings He has given me like they were mine to begin with.
Trust me, when you pray bold prayers… you will most likely get bold answers. Ive prayed some terrifyingly bold prayers often in my life and now more than ever it seems like it is time to jump. And I am stutter stepping the edge of the cliff.
The rocks look jagged at the bottom. The sea is roaring and I keep imagine myself looking back up to the top of the cliff once I have landed. I keep imagining myself looking up at what I left behind and being overcome with regret.
In all this imagining though I am somehow ignoring the roaring ocean that will be covering me and sweeping me away. That vast ocean with endless possibility.
Having confidence is not easy, but you were never asked to have that confidence in yourself. I keep hearing the Spirit whisper into my heart. “My son, don’t waste your energy putting your confidence in anything but ME.”
So I am making a choice to take a leap. To dive in head first and see where it takes me.
This will not be easy.
But since when are the good things easy?
I never asked for easy, I never wanted easy.
I have kind of jumped around in thought in this post, but that is because this is all fresh in my heart and mind.
So thank you for bearing with me.
I want to leave you with this thought: If you know what your passion and calling in life is, than I must ask, are you aligning yourself with it? Even when nothing is going your way, are you still striving forward?
Is there anything in your life that you have been putting off or coming up with excuses for? Have you been asking for clarity and leading but ignoring God’s voice all along?
Maybe it will be easier if I speak directly. I am called into writing. I do not just love to write. I am called into it. I am called to speak. Only God knows what that is going to look like.
I have been putting off getting published for almost three years now. I have no direction in my life it feels like, but I have a unique opportunity to work my butt off and devote every bit of my fiber into this dream. I am done waiting.
Some times we are called to act and not to wait.
God could still throw me a major curveball in the near future, as He can for you as well. But I am taking my next steps in faith.
I am setting my heart and mind on my dream and goal and aligning myself with whatever will give me a better opportunity.
All to the glory of God.
I want to live in reckless abandonment. I hope you will walk along side me as I learn more and more what that exactly means.