My last Fall semester in Undergrad is nearing its end. And with its ending I am becoming incredibly overwhelmed by the impending changes and decisions that I need to make. In all of this I have made the terrible decision of not trying to write it out, but rather deal with it internally. That is a recipe for toxicity in my life.
So here I am on Thanksgiving break praying and thinking and contemplating and getting ready for the next steps.
I need to note that I have witnessed first hand God do some fairly amazing things over the last several weeks in the lives of some of the dearest individuals in my life. I adore watching those I care about glorifying and praising God. My spirit leaps with joy.
So why have I been struggling on and off so much? I have been asking God for a word on what is going on in my heart and mind and I believe He is speaking very loud and clear. And frankly it scares me and is not making everything else going on in life any simpler. If anything it is all about to get a whole lot more complicated.
It is very funny I just wrote those words. I have been reading a book called “The Circle Maker” (pick it up if you have the chance) and the author was just writing about, in the last section I was reading, the complexities of life.
The author was saying that the deeper we dive into a trusting and Faithful relationship with God the more complicated life will become. The more we pray bigger and bolder, the more complicated life will get. It won’t slow down, if God can use you and you have a willing spirit than life will pick up speed and intensity.
This is something I have desired from a very young age. And now it is nearer than it has ever been.
So this is as much a challenge to myself as it is to those reading my words. Are you willing to run head first into the wall that is the desires of your heart? Or will you turn back to old ways in fear of failure, in fear of losing what you love, in doubt of the grandeur of the One Almighty God?
My spirit has been restored and renewed over the last several months. I knew it was happening before it did, and that is because I prayed boldly and trusted God thoroughly.
Now here I am on the brink of taking some real risks and it is like I am forgetting that all I have been doing the last 4 months is taking risk after risk. I have watched doors slam in my face and others swing wide open. Yet here I am still doubting and dancing on the line of diving, plummeting in off the cliff and crawling back into my cave.
I cannot turn back. Not now. I refuse to. I refuse to live in fear of anything but God. And to not take the risks he is asking me to is showing that I do not Trust his tender care and protection over my life.
As usual there are 2,015 things floating in my brain at any single moment of the day, yet this to me is summing up where I stand with all these feelings of being overwhelmed. I am being prompted to be big, to be bold, to gain all of my strength from God. To reach for dreams and goals FAR FAR FAR beyond my own ability to attain.
And I am going to reach, starting now. As I publish this post.
I am very excited to come back and read this post 6 months or a year from now.
I have been sharing a phrase with some of my dear friends often lately and it is that: “Greater things are still to come”… I look forward to those greater things daily. But in preparation I must do my part.
I ask that you do the same. Take an action. Be Bold. Be Big.