My Freshman year in college is over. Done. Ho Finito. (I have finished in Italian)
So here is my question? Is this the end of something or the start of something new? Hug it, embrace it, love that question. I would say that I am a very introspective person and face value is never enough for me… I need to dig, I need to understand, I want to learn.
It’s funny I never did enjoy digging at the beach as a kid, I much rather build with sand then find out what is beneath the surface. But I would always dig before I actually began to build. I didn’t enjoy it but it was a must. Maybe it was only so I could slip my sunburned toes into the cool moist sand that I unearthed. Or maybe it was so I could use that sand to sculpt a new creation. Digging up what is hidden can be the most structurally sound way to build a castle, sometimes. Not to exploit what is under the surface but to uplift it and give it the proper attention and care that it deserves.
Now as any childhood architect realizes, if you leave that wet sand out in the sun for too long it will just dry up and fall to pieces. No one wants a crumpled castle. So you must delicately foster that sand and keep it wet, reshape it, work with it, pay attention to it. Don’t stay out in the ocean distracted too long because your masterpiece may be gone by time you get back.
Why do I consistently make analogies that connect life to building things? I don’t know, I guess I am super original.
But here is my point, I have been reflecting on this semester…this year and I am not quite sure that I have received the closure that I desire. Things are left askew and open-ended. For face value, I got great grades…Much better than anticipated. But, once I start digging up that sand the sun seems to have penetrated the surface and dried up what lies beneath it all.
I have made bounds in my growth as a person this last semester but inter-personally my castle is crumbling. I need to dig deep to hold onto relationships so I can build some epic castles and take care of them with love and adoration. It has become apparent, though, that my own castle has been left neglected. Beyond my own castle I have been working with friends on their castles and am realizing that my knowledge of sand castle restoration and preservation is limited. I see their walls cracking, their intricate and individual designs that I helped dig up and form are losing stability.
I know how to take care of my castle… but their castles are unique with needs that differ from my own.
This summer is welcomed. I am increasingly excited about the opportunity to reflect on where and who I am. And where and who I am going to be. Keep me in prayer, keep those other sand castles in prayer. I pray that I can protect my castle and learn how to provide the tools for those other castles. We built them together but it seems I have lost the instructions along the way, that or I can no longer comprehend the directions.
These are not sad issues, I am hopeful that out of them will come greater things than I can fathom.