I cannot seem to focus right now, or ever to be honest. Well at least when it is required to focus I can never buckle down.
I’m currently listening to Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, if you do not know it you happen to be lame…sorry. I love the lyrics in this song probably more than it is healthy. I relate all too well to the theme of the song and the emotions that it displays. Being alone sucks. “Scar Tissue that I wish you saw…” What else is new, other than living day by day with lacerations covering my life that no one may ever see.
I don’t mean to be depressing or sad but I’m stressed and just need to vent. I was not made to be by myself and it is frustrating to force myself out of social activities and such. I feel like I have to explain everything to everyone and to say the least it gets annoying. I deal though. What I seem to lose my cool over though is not being able to isolate myself. Again, I deal. This isn’t some social experiment or outcry for attention, I can promise that much. This is something I need, A new mindset, A new focus, A renewed passion.
Ephesians 2:8…BGTF… It won’t be in vain.
Much Love
Matt Curcio 
There is something between having to explain yourself and having to be yourself.
I don’t know how I can possibly articulate what I’m thinking right now, but I’m going to try anyways, because that’s just what I do.
I know what it’s like to feel like I have to explain myself.
I just switched schools, and to the shock of most people that I know. Of course, they ask why. There are some people that I answer. There are many that watch my eyes fall to the floor, post their inquiry-with that the end.
There are some things that don’t make sense to the world, Matt. My decision to transfer doesn’t make total sense to people. Or my decision to date a girl might seem too quick for some people, but I know. We are bookends bud.
We make the initial decisions, then we revise, and we got plenty of input on how to live, and how to act, and blah blah blah, but we begin it (whatever “it” is) and it’s up to us to end “it”.
Bookends are useless without books though.
Being alone, always, is not good-it’s not how we were created to be. We need people, and people offer the inconsistency to move the bookends.
Maybe the books are like friends. Some come and some go, and with the coming and going, the gap between the bookends shifts.
And maybe we are one bookend and God is the other, because we can’t really be both… that just doesn’t make sense….
But maybe God is one bookend, the constant one, and we’re the other. Our friends come and go, and we encounter various circumstances which alter our lives, and etc, but with the ebb and flow of our lives, our bookend-the bookend we resemble- needs to slide closer to the other bookend-God-, or maybe we go farther away… I don’t know.
Slide Matt.
Go a few inches to the left and let the dust settle where you once were, and then slide a few more inches right and let the dust settle where you were again. Let people into your life, and also limit how much space you let people take.
There is hot food waiting for me. I must go…
This is not finished.
Much love.