Here is a curious inquiry….Do you trust God? The question is a very easy one to answer…well at least that is what I have tricked myself into believing. I like to tell myself that I have full unfailing trust in my lord…but He unmasks that falsehood over and over again.

Often I find myself in “life-staking peril” and find myself calling on Christ for Him to guide me and lift me from my circumstances. When my circumstances don’t change I find myself doubting. God obviously doesn’t want me to get through this issue or maybe He can’t really help.

Only recently thanks to a classic by Ronnie Freeman have I considered a more truthful sentiment…”Could it be me?”…Is it me me who is not totally trusting God? I can tell myself a thousand times over, and even encourage others with biblical truth, but am I truly submitting to that truth…am I allowing Him to work in my life?

Let’s be honest, how do I even know when He is working in my life? From experience it is not always the most common thing for God to speak audibly for my ears to hear. Many times I only attribute God’s actions to the end result of my pain but all the while I just complain about my current status, waiting impatiently for God to reveal His plan.

There is nothing wrong with looking forward to what God has in store but I better be prepared to praise Him and thank Him through out the entire experience. Again though how do I teach myself to fully trust God? How do I give up my current situation to Him and continuously praise Him for the impending result, whatever it may be?

Sadly, I don’t have these answers, only inklings on how to approach it all. I have trudged on throughout my muddied life and submitted countless times to my circumstances and not to Christ’s Truth.

Pun aside, I have to fall on my knees in complete reverence and take confidence that my savior is at my side during my pain, literally and figuratively. Sometimes that is all we need, the assurance that we are not alone but supported by a never ending source of love and life. Something needs to be continuously broken in my life to reveal that Truth to me. What needs to be broken is me…my pride, my stubbornness, my resilience and my self-sustaining attitude.

I am blessed to never have been alone in my trials of recent time, God has provided me with the most beautiful souls as friends. They are my brothers and sisters and I love them so very much. Through them I witness Christ every single day. I can’t get caught up in the motions, not every change in my life has to be this huge emotional experience. I have the support I need but I need to learn to live life in its current state. He is never going to let go so I have to stop my hands from slipping.

Don’t get me wrong I am not at a fork in the road (even though I would love to think otherwise) but I am just examining my own decisions and mindsets. I have to deny myself, It will take time and I may never reach it fully but life is a ride and I better buckle up in the passenger seat and give Christ that wheel. Otherwise I should get out now and shame everyone and everything I have ever been blessed with.

I need to Trust God fully, I have made my own detours in life but He promises me that I will always end up at His feet. He will take any path that I inadvertently jump on and lead me right back but my wrong turns have made the detours feel unbearable but His grace will and always does suffice.

My final point is the issue of finding that balance between allowing Christ to lead me blindly and also acting to His will. Here is a pretty simple and stupid analogy. I have to do my part too because, I am called to justice and I am called to disciple others. I have to do it all from the passenger seat. Now I am getting a little lost in my own thought process but that is probably a good thing.

Don’t get lost in the motions, I can promise that is not where Christ is. There will be scenic routes, scary bridges and muddy roads to travel. Through the entire ride though you have to turn up that radio and hum along, enjoy it for what it is worth. Reach for the end of the trip, I promise It will be good. Better yet…God promises that it will be great!

I am still working on my trust issues, the line between waiting on God and not acting for God…For now I will try and live out His life for me, I will fight harder and harder to break myself in hopes of grasping that blind trust that will never let me go.  Until live your lives always By Grace and Through Faith…much love