The list below is comprised of one-liners able-bodied people say to me daily. Frankly, I am tired of them, not because they are insensitive, but because you people have zero creativity.
- Asking me, “How fast does that thing go?”
- Upon seeing my scooter, “I need one of those!”
- Seeing me with a soda or water in my hand, “Hey, don’t drink and drive!”
- Asking, “Do you have a license for that thing?!”
- Walking up to me and patting my shoulder, “You are just being lazy, huh?”
- Looking at my scooter like it’s a piece of meat, “How much did that run you? Bet insurance paid for it right?”
- Walking up next to me, “Hey wanna race?”
- Pointing to their broken/injured extremity “Look, I am crippled too!”
- Running their hand over the front of my scooter “Wow she sure is a beauty! That is the Cadillac of scooters!”
- Leaning on my scooter like a wall or empty chair while it is in use. No words necessary
Since most of you are thinking, “Oh wow! I am sorry, how could they ever say these things?!” Chances are you have thought or said them yourself. So here are my snarky retorts so we don’t have to discuss it any further.
- “Fast enough to really hurt when I run over your toes”
- “Save your money, weirdo strangers will point at you and tell you they need one.
- “I am sorry I am too drunk to understand gibberish”
- “Yes and I got it from your mother”
- “I am sorry I missed what you said, I was napping on this extremely expensive medical device created for individuals with disabilities”
- “If you have to ask you cannot afford it. Trust me. And no insurance didn’t cover it, but I do accept charitable donations”
- “Sure! I love competition, better yet I like whooping wimps. Also I play dirty.”
- “Oh wow! Have you received your Oscar yet for impersonating someone with a disability? I hear it’s the quickest way to win actor/actress of the year”
- “It’s the Ferrari, Don’t get it twisted.”
- Next time this happens I will be abruptly moving the scooter out-of-the-way, and hoping you put a lot of weight into where you were once standing.
And just for good measure, do not forget to rub our shoulders and tell us that we have inspired you in some way even though we have never met. We love that.
Sarcasm is my love language by the way. Until next time lovely readers.