Identity Crisis

So I woke up this morning after a really rough night. I was just drained. For no reason in particular. I went to sleep at 10Pm and woke up this morning at 10:30AM so I am assuming that I am finally as rested as I need to be.

Being alone and being an extreme extrovert gets a little hard sometimes. But that is up for discussion some other time.

I was getting pretty bummed last night about a lot of different things. Kinda got to a state of self-pity. Now that is a big no-no in my book. I love to feel things but allowing my self to step through the doors of depression because I am being too lazy to embrace the Truth is absolutely wrong and self-absorbed.

So I did something I am very glad of and stopped being a sad mush-pile and forced myself to go to sleep. (Don’t worry I put Lion King on in the background to make sure my dreams were jolly).

I woke up and immediately began to analyze my thoughts from the prior night. Well, the prior few nights. I just laid in bed and started sorting through it all in as objective of a manner that I could. When I had done what I thought to be a sufficient enough job I stood up and put some music on. (As per my usual routine).

One of the things I have been very bummed about lately is my lack of progress with my book. On top of that I have had tons of stress about Housing for this upcoming school year. And boom all of a sudden I mentally start ripping into myself for uncontrollable circumstances.

Well. This morning I shut that all up very quickly. Or well let’s say God shut that up. The first song that played was none other than the first song that I have ever written. “Wounded”

As soon as I heard the first chords of the guitar I stopped moving and smiled. Just the thought of what this song means. What God has done through it in my life. My heart was pierced. Blasted, would be more accurate.

It calmed me about my book. It encouraged me. I am actually still listening to it at this very moment. It was a collaboration between me and Mr. Johnny Robinson. I wrote the lyrics. He Wrote the music as well as sings and plays the guitar. It is refreshing.

Things do get accomplished. But the lyrics are what are mostly affecting me right now. Who would think that something that I wrote nearly five years ago would feel so true and so needed now?

Here are the Lyrics:

(Spoken Word written and performed by Me):

Wounded and Broken is all I can be.

When asked why what kind of reply is required?

Who I am is Who I was and What I will be.

A creature polluted and infected

Do they want to hear this? How can it be understood?

They never want the full Truth.

For some reason it is I in the Dark. But not those who are deceived.

(Lyrics performed by Johnny Robinson):

Wounded and Broken is all I can be

When asked why this shall be my reply

I am who I am who I was who I’ll be.

I feel left in the dark even though I’m not the one deceived.

Do they want to hear this?

How could it be understood?

They never want the full Truth

Rather be misled, lost and confused

Ignorance may be bliss but there is always so much more

Ignore, ignore, ignore an internal fear at the core.

Wounded and Broken is what I can be

When asked why this shall be my reply

I am who I am who I was who I’ll be.

I feel left in the dark even though I’m not the one deceived.

Darkness blinds, light reveals.

One step out and your world is gone.

Sent into a perpetual free fall

Hold your breath and take the dive.

Your chance at freedom is just one little prayer away

A life submerged in Truth will lead you to the Holy place.

Wounded and Broken is what I used to be

When asked why this shall be my reply

I am who I am who God’s meant me to be.

I feel left in the dark even though I’m not the one deceived.

Wounded and broken is all I can be

When asked why this shall be my reply

Wounded and broken what I can be

When asked why this shall be my reply

Wounded and broken is what I used to be

No more in the dark and no longer deceived.

So now that you have read through the lyrics. And I pray that you read every line. I will quickly bring this post back to this title.

This seems totally irrelevant but if you read the lyrics to “Wounded” it is spot on.

Our culture. Not just America. But the World’s culture is in a major identity crisis. Some of you are immediately jumping on the defense before you even understand what I mean.

These terms have been thrown around constantly. In arguments of gender, sexuality, race, ability, occupation, class and so forth. It goes on and on.

It is said if you have same-sex feelings you ARE homosexual. If you work with your hands you ARE blue-collar. If you have a disability you ARE disabled. If you are creative you ARE an artist. If the color of your skin is dark you ARE Black. If you can’t afford a car you ARE poor.

Even if you scoff every time I talk about God or Jesus in my posts. I have a question for you. If the lyrics of my song are true. And one’s identity never really changes. Their TRUE identity.

What were you first?

I heard it explained beautifully once.

We were all once. A son or daughter…Please when I say that. Do not gasp at the implications behind this statement due to our culture’s gender roles. That is for another discussion.

The identity I am talking about. The one that really matters. That one. It is much more important. It is the identity that unites all of Humanity in one single narrative. It is the same identity that makes us more unique than all of the stars in the universe. It contains the multitude of our traits and gifts. It empowers us. It establishes us. It is our concrete existence.

I ask you to consider the possibility that perhaps. This identity. Is a Divine Identity.

One where our sonship or daughtership does not focus on our parents. But on perfection alone. A childhood created by One alone.

If you don’t know who you ARE how will you ever know where you are going?

Find that basis. Search as fast and hard as you can for Truth.

Discover love.

Much Love

BGTF

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One thought on “Identity Crisis

  1. First- isnt it amazing that something u wrote 5 years ago affects you and helps u now?! ooo that is so good i find that all the time Second- those lyrics jus made my soul soar it hit something deep Third- the kingship part was so good and realizing the love and what was done for you that is the ultimate for strength and mood issues which we all deal with and some more than others.

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